This weekend old friends from my college days are coming to London. I've not seen them, or really talked to them, in more than eight years. I'm looking forward to seeing them, but I'm fairly terrified. I keep reflecting on it and realise I'm upset with myself for not doing with my life what I was planning to do. No art, no music, nothing published, no advanced degree, no outrageous romance, no big contribution to the world.



I'm feeling this way because it's a defined period of time to look back upon and say, "did I do what I planned?" The next question is then "what would I have done if I were braver?



Not that I look back and see nothing. I'm in London. That's an amazing thing. I climbed a company ladder and made a quiet reputation in a volatile business. I know some brilliant people. But is it any of it stuff that I can stand and say to the world, "for all I got I gave you back this..."?